she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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