I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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