me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
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The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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