What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize