Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
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I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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