Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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