Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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