I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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