Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize