I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize