I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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