Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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