My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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