At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize