Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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