I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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