Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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