is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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