so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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