The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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