I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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