Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize