Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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