How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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