btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
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guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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