just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
this hospital has no fireball
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize