garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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