Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize