At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
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it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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