look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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