Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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