i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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