I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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