Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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