Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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