You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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