I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize