If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
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the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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