It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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