I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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