That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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