after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize