Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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