Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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