I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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