So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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