She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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