Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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