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i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
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