Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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