Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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